Take My Heart

This is an old design that I had. I called it, Take My Heart. With Valentine's Day fast approaching, thought it was the perfect time to bring it out. Here's my keeping it real love story. There were no sparks flying or love at first sight kind of crap for me. When I first met my boyfriend over 2 years ago, I was Not thinking, “Oh, he's going to be mine.” It was more like, “Ahh, hell NOOOOO!”

I met my current boyfriend in January of 2017. The funny thing is, I was already feeling that a new guy was going to enter my life. I even have an email that I sent to a friend back in September of 2016, stating that I was feeling this. At the time I was meeting guys online. I was divorced and loving life again. Love was not in the cards. I did not want to be in a relationship. Some became my friends but nothing romantic. After a while I got bored and deactivated my online dating apps.

Towards the end of December of 2016, a British friend of mine came for a visit. He asked me how my online dating was going and I informed him that I deactivated the apps 3 months ago. He tells me, “Why don't you give it another whirl, you never know.” I told him I'll think about it. By the first week of January 2017, I thought, “Why, not.” So, I activated one of the dating apps. As soon as I reactivated it, it sent me to a profile. I looked at it and thought the guy looked liked a younger version of someone I knew. I clicked on the profile to get a better look and realized he did not look like him. I read his profile and thought, “What a freak! Nope! He's not for me!” Quickly closing the app. At the time for this dating app the person used to receive a notification on who looked at their profile. A few hours later I received a message with just, “hey”. It was from the guy I thought was a freak. I was not sure if I should reply, but after looking at my empty calendar and noticing I was having conversations with myself, I realized I needed adult contact. One more weekend  being surrounded by kids, I would have ended up in the loony bin. The guy I thought was a freak was starting to look good. So, we started texting each other. I asked him if he was German. He said he is. The moment I read he's German my enthusiasm left. To give you a visual, if I had an erected penis it would have shriveled down to the size of a raisin. Died. And fallen off. That's how unattractive German men were to me. Now for people that know me, they know I am not a fan of German men. I used to tell people that I can get more warmth from a refrigerator than a German man. I thought they were rather cold. Bad experiences, what can I say. My mom would tell me, “Mija (daughter), don't be like that.” There's a Mexican saying that my mom will always tell me, “Lo que no puedes ver en tu casa lo vas a tener.” (What you can't see in your house, you will have) She would tell me I will end up with a German. I told her, "Your're out of your damn mind woman, no way in hell!

Ok, mom was right, I did end up with a German. The only did I end up with a German, but a German with the most hardcore, traditional German sounding name available. I remembered one of my friend's German girlfriend asked me what my boyfriend's name is. I told her and she started laughing. Yes, even for Germans that's too German. Back to the story

I decided not to be racist and set a date with him. As the date approached I was tempted to cancel. I was not looking forward to it. Date night arrived and I went to meet him at some bar in the central of Berlin. I arrived but he was not there. I got a message that he was going to be a few minutes late. I waited outside. I was sitting down on a bench looking at messages when a guy suddenly stands in front of me. I looked up and realized it was my date. I instantly thought he was weird and my brain was screaming, “Aahhh, FUCK NOOO!” I could feel my mind desperately trying to think of some excuse to end the date as we entered the bar. We headed upstairs since the first floor was full. I could feel him close behind, I was cringing. Let me clear something up before I continue. My boyfriend is not ugly. He's actually a very handsome man. I cringed because as I stated before, I was not attracted to German men. Ok, on to the story....

We couldn't find a table because the place was packed. We left and headed towards another bar. The second bar was also packed. We were heading to a third bar when we realized that both of us didn't like to drink. Imagine that, a German and a Mexican-American that don't like to drink. What are the odds. I tell him there's no point heading to another bar since we are not drinkers. So we just started walking around. He kept getting closed to me and every time he invaded my imaginary boundary, I could hear buzzers going off in my head. He was telling me about his last date. The woman told him he was getting too close. I remembered thinking, I can relate. At one point I tell him how people have boundaries and with my right index finger I make an invisible radius around me. He thought it was funny and kept invading my space. Buzz, cringe.

Now during this time it was winter. It was freaking cold. As the Germans say, it was arschkalt (ass cold). Walking around in the cold activated my bladder. I needed to pee badly. Finding a toilet in Berlin is not an easy task. My future boyfriend tells me that his place is close by if I want to go to his place. I took him up on his offer and went to his apartment. After relieving myself in the porcelain god,  we chatted, laughed for a bit. I did like him by the end of the date, as a FRIEND! Eventually I told him I had to go because it was getting late. Just like Cinderella, I wanted to leave before mid-night. My bestie texted me and asked about my date. I told her it was ok, but he was not for me. I pretty much chucked him into the friendship bucket.

A week later I asked him if he wanted to hangout. He said he did. I went over to his place. Ok, this is where things get weird. We were talking and laughing when all of a sudden I got the strangest sensation. I felt as if blinds were being lifted off my eyes. The first thing I noticed was his big beautiful smile. I remembered thinking, “Why did I not noticed this the first time I met him?” It was as if I was seeing him blurry the first time I met him and now everything was cleared. I felt as if I was seeing him with new eyes. At that moment I realized how comfortable I felt being myself around him. How well we got along. I thought, “Hmm, maybe there's something here.” From that point on we began to see each other regularly.

As the weeks passed, I began to get a bit nervous being in a relationship after my toxic marriage. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be in one. I was getting very confused. I find someone that treats me right, offering his love and I just wanted to run to the hills. "Ahhh, what is this?!" I was scared shitless and didn't know what to make of this new situation. I was not used to it. We ended up taking a break to give me time to decide. During this time we had no contact with each other. I began to notice that I was actually missing him. About 6 weeks later, I was talking to an older friend over the phone and was telling him about my dilemma. He tells me that's why he doesn't bother with relationships anymore because it's the same shit. Drama and breakups. After hanging up, I decided I didn't want to end up like him. Old and bitter. I didn't want to assume all relationships will be the same. I turned around and jumped into the unknown. I contacted my current boyfriend. We met up and talked. We decided to see if things would work out between us.

This love took time to grow. It was months before I felt love for him. In the end of August 2017, my boyfriend was in the process of moving to a new apartment. It was late at night and we were moving some items. He didn't have electricity at the moment so we had the door open to use the hallway light from the building. We had to click on the switch every few minutes to turn it back on. My boyfriend had bought shawarma chicken wraps. We were sitting on the floor close to the doorway. The light barely coming in and casting a light shadow as we sat down to eat. My boyfriend hadn't eaten all day so he was famished. He was quickly devouring his food. Food was flying everywhere. Lettuce, chopped onions, purple cabbage, pieces of chicken landing on him and me. I thought it was the cutest thing. At that moment I felt that warm fuzzy lovey dovey feeling. That's when I felt genuine love for him.

Our relationship hasn't been perfect. We had our ups and downs but we managed to work things out with deep conversations. It took a lot of time and work to find our common ground. After the betrayal from my former business partner and the not so great first trade show in the US. I was a bit broken. I ended up finding out some other stuff that caused me to end the romantic relationship with my boyfriend. I needed time to sort things out by myself. Even though we were not romantically involved during that time, he was still there as a friend, which was what I needed at the time. We slowly got back together as time passed.

Over 2 years later, we are still going strong. I went with someone that I normally would not have considered. I finally broke the cycle of assholes that I used to attract, like flies on shit. I'm glad I took a chance because I ended up meeting the most sweetest, kind-hearted, loving human being I've ever met. He's been like a second father to my kids. He has been there for me and taught me to more loving. My mom will always tell me a good person is hard to find, once you do, don't let them go. I'm holding on to my cutie. I can still hear my best friend saying, “I thought you said you didn't like him, you liar.” What can I say, I was wrong, I grew to love him. :)


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